Ferndale Dad

Location: Ferndale, Michigan, United States

Monday, March 27, 2006

Day Anything

With all apologies to Dobler 'n' shit.
I'm not nearly organized enough with this effort yet to say which day it is of my training regimen. Hell, I can't even be arsed (thanks, The British!) to remember what day the triathalon for which I'm training will be held.
Nevertheless (thanks, evolving English language!) I ran a mile today (see also "A Mile! A Damn Mile!") and then I rode 2.5 miles right afterward. Now, this would be even more impressive if I wasn't Shanghai'd (thanks, Chinese city with a stereotypical penchant for piracy and kidnapping!) by my neighbor who proceeded to tell me about a tirathalon she read about in the Ferndale Mirror ("or was it Woodward Talk?" she mused aloud -- thanks, Literary Pretension!) as well as regaling me with her insider information on "cow flop bingo" ('fascinating!,' say top critics!). Since she waylaid me for like 5 minutes, I had a chance to rest. Catch my breath. Making it less impressive a feat of training. Nevertheless (see also, earlier paragraph kudos), I kept the rock a' rockin' this Monday despite the 30 degree temps.
Ah, shit, the kids are ruining each others paintings. Gotta jump.
Smell ya later. (thanks 5th grade playground!)

Meta Lamest Post Ever

So, I just updated my My Space profile. That killed like 10 whole minutes. Hopefully, that'll lead to a network of people killing at least 2 or 3 minutes reading and/or commenting on it. That's my ultimate goal, really. To kill all time.
Then I'll start working on space. No, wait. If I kill my time and My Space, have I killed time and space?! Do I even exist anymore?! Holy Shit!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A Mile! A damn Mile!

Yeah, I said it. I ran a damn mile today. Ran. Think about it: My exercise for the past, oh, 15 years has consisted of only the necessary exertion to get from point A to point B. I did have a brief run-in with the Royal Oak YMCA in my early married years wherein I ran and swam and lifted weights and watched Judge Judy on the TeeVees in the elliptical room or read whatever months-old Redbook they had on hand.
But that was a bonafide anomaly.

Today, I OWNED Geary Park! I ran around that fucker! My sweet new shiny New Balance's and my sweet shiny new discount rack jogging suit (yeah, I got a jogging suit!) should have inspired me to be all like (cue "Eye of the Tiger") "Chris! ChrisChrisChris! ChrisChrisChris! Chris Chris Chriiiiisss!"

Instead, I was singing soft-rock classics in my head. I'm hoping to work "One Night in Bangkok" into my little in-head feedback loop next time. That, of hook up "Half Blood Prince" on Audio CD. Nothing says "I was a-runnin'" like thinking about Horcruxeses.

Anyhoo, I hopped in the Vibe (I miss ya, LeSabre) and it was 1.1 miles! I rule (in a way).
That is all. For now. The Road to Stony Creek (where I'll be doing a sprint triathalon in September) will be a recurring embarrassment right in this very space.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

The ceiling is a grid of aluminum that shows the guts of the building that have been wrapped in bright colors and tangled in tubes of pulsing neon. But the lights are off and the hum is so audible you forget about it. And the walls are just tall enough that I don’t know who’s there and I’m just tall enough to poke my head over and see that no one’s there but a rotating screensaver of a crescent moon with the word “lunacy” on it. So I kick the soccer ball against the window and I put on my headphones and I get another cup of coffee and I wander over to paul’s desk and he’s not there and I check my e-mail again and again and it’s only 2:14 and they say it’s going to be colder tomorrow and I’m still remembering the guy in the elevator on Friday who told me at 4 pm to “take the rest of the week off” and he laughed and laughed. And then I did. And now bryan’s split and jeannie’s gonna do the same and kevin’s out nursing his newborn baby there are books I’ve written that I’ve not seen yet and books I’ve seen that I’ve not written yet and there goes the e-mail. 50 more characters, legally-approved so that we don’t have to run it by charlotte cuz the client waited until it was urgent before deciding it was urgent. Gotta run…

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


Inspected Gadgets
Well, it's happened. We're "off the books" in the parlance of the Ferndale Building Inspector. Free to legally live and play in the addition on our bungaloft(tm) after three years effort. To put it in perspective, when we started working on this project I had just started work on a book that was published in September of 2004 and my now-2-year-old wee-est one wasn't yet around to ask for "MORE FROO SNATS".
Dim the lights and chill the ham, we're 2 legit to quit now. Hosta season's just around the corner.

Fact:I am not afraid to heat somthing up for 13 seconds in the microwave. I did it twice today. Aw, shit. That means I heated it for 26 seconds. Nevermind. Either way, superstition is not my bag at the moment.

Things I've had to explain to the not-so-wee-one in the last 24 hours:
The meaning of the word "Extraordinary" (hint: It's better than ordinary)
The origin of the word "Shoe". (to which I then had to explain the evolution of English from "Old" to "Middle" to "Modern" at which point I made a joke about "melting with you" at which point he resumed getting ready for school)
Why we can't make a "shark hat" right now. (hint: It would scare his aunt -- again -- and we didn't have construction paper handy)
Why it's a bad idea to play on the monkey bars without gloves. (hint: We'd just watched Christmas Story -- again)
How the remote start works on our new-used mini-maxi van (hint: It has to do with lasers. Hope I'm not too wrong on that 'un).